Sports Rags: 2015 TFM Fantasy Football Journal
Welcome to the Pleasuredome
by Ryan Young
My knees start to ache a little. My hair begins to feel noticeably thinner and I brood over coffee just a tad more often. Ahh yes, it's about that time. When summer starts to send it's last few gut punches our way, the greatest American timesuck of them all is on the horizon and about to sweep us up into its loving arms. Fantasy football is here.
Birthed by the stat nerds, adopted by the NFL, and now a part of pop lexicon, fantasy football is played by pretty much everyone with a smart phone and hours to waste. Whether your office has a covert league (which will inevitably trigger a call from HR regarding your obviously diminishing work productivity) or you're scrounging the bottom of the FA bin in a keeper league of college buddies, we are all fulfilling our duty as Americans by making sure the barbaric sport of football and its business dealings stay in good health.
If you're new to this sort of thing and worried that you don't understand American football enough to prosper as the owner of a obscurely named fantasy team, fret not. "Fantasy", as those in the club like to refer to it, is about numbers mostly...numbers and beer. Don't get me wrong, foregoing research in a competitive league of 14 teams could land you at the bottom of the standings; but if you can send in a half-assed quantitative report to your work manager, you can probably research who will surpass 1,000 yards receiving this year. It's not rocket science (until you have 1st overall pick in the draft and you start to experience analysis paralysis).
Beer is the other important aspect because it is a symbol of why any adult in their right mind, except for the nerds and Vegas, would ever waste this much time watching players on teams you'd have no reason to give two shits about (should anyone ever care about the Jacksonville, Florida pro football team?). Social ties (actually money) are at the heart of the phenomenon of fantasy football. All of your coworkers and friends will gather over beer, crunch numbers and shoot the shit over one common thread: large men running with an oblong ball.
If you have not joined a fantasy football league yet, there are plenty of platforms out there happy to induct you into this realm of adult-patterned happiness in exchange for personal data that will later be used to forecast your buying habits 10 years into the future. Yahoo is my favorite and also most annoying, but you can choose your own. Good Luck!
Scroll Down to find updated journal posts of results from the leagues we're in, super secret tips and trash talk.
Don't be the person to reach on the over-the-hill 30 yr old. Draft one of these high potential rookies later in the draft and then gloat about it with hilarious memes.